I’ve made a lot of progress, but I just can’t help but want to be back to the horrible stages where I was stuck in a self destructive cycle that was the only thing that comforted me.
I want attention from someone romantically, and it’s disgusting, because I keep letting people who don’t give a fuck about me talk to me however they fucking want, because I just want to be wanted by someone. I want someone to want me around.
I’ve been skipping meals because I’m never hungry anymore, and I haven’t been taking my medicine, and I just spend a lot of my time shaking because I want to cut so fucking bad, and I know I shouldn’t. Everything is shit, and I don’t want to say anything to anyone because it’ll just worry people, and I’ll probably have to take a semester or more off for medical leave.
I’ve done so much shit in the last year that I’m not proud of, but I never speak a word about it because I know that all I’ll get is judgment or stupid fucking comments. I’m just slowly stepping off the edge as of late, and I’m just over it. I’m over everything.